Telling a toddler, “Stop kicking,” is basically the same as saying, “Go ahead and kick me.” And saying “No hitting” might as well mean, “Please hit me again.” Sounds wild—but here’s why it happens: When we tell our kids what not to do, we’re missing the most important part: what they should do instead. Here’s why this matters: 1. They may genuinely not know what to do. For example, saying “No grabbing” at the store doesn’t help them learn what to do with their hands. Instead, try: “Keep your han
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